i am going to the LA date for The Tour de Nerdfighting tonight. i am ridiculously excited. i’m also a bit anxious.

obviously it’s going to be awesome because John and Hank and a room full of Nerdfighters. but it will be the first time i go to see John and/or Hank ALONE. the first time i met Tiff in person was at the Tour de Hank and the other Nerdfighter gatherings i’ve been to were at VidCon. so i’ve become accustomed to having a couple of my closest friends on either side of me whilst basking in the awesome that is Nerdfighteria. tonight that will not happen.

so i’m nervous. …i just realized something. back when i was suffering from my latest bout of depression, this anxiety would have kept me home. i would have gone to bed and probably not talked to anyone and maybe watched a bit of YT. then, after it was over, i would have started searching for videos recapping the event and regretting that i didn’t go. i am SO GLAD i’m not depressed anymore!

speaking of things i’m anxious about and would never dreamt of doing when i was depressed, i’ve organized a hangout on Saturday. i basically invited all of my friends that i haven’t spoken to or would like to know better (which accounts for ALL of them) to a Google Hangout on Saturday morning. i started freaking out about the awkward silences that may ensue. the logical side of my brain keeps reassuring me that everything is going to be fine, i’m friends with everyone i invited, therefore i have things in common with everyone i invited, and therefore we will have things to talk about so everything will be fine. this very rational reasoning has done nothing to quiet my anxiety, but it does keep me from canceling the whole thing.

that’s 312 words, and i don’t know how to end this. fin.

0 thoughts on “Anxious

  1. The irrational side of your brain is like a whiny kids brother that most of the time its not worth listening to but you still have to keep an eye on so it doesn’t get into trouble. Going somewhere on your own is an opportunity to meet new people who have your interests. The hangout will be great I’m sure. Don’t be afraid. Fear cuts deeper than swords.

    1. in theory, yes, going somewhere alone is a great way to make friends. although it usually tends to be  a great way for me to feel awkward and study my hands, my shoes, and just about anything but another living being. but you’re right about the anxiety. i’ll try to get it to shut up. 😛

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