Ok, Lee. Let me tell ya a little something about how weird life is. Sometimes you spend two months with a guy who doesn’t want to be in a relationship, and sometimes you spend four days with a guy who absolutely wants to be in a relationship. And sometimes these things happen pretty much back to back. And sometimes you feel weird about the abruptness of the switch. And sometimes you wonder how serious you can be about the new guy since you were just hanging out with the other guy two weeks ago, asking if he wanted to be bf/gf.
So, Lee, this is less a hypothetical approximation of how strange life can be in general, and more an exact accounting of my life.
Let me give you a little rundown so that it makes more sense. (Keep in mind, this is all through online dating)
Jan 3-Mar 8
I was dating a guy. Going out every weekend and texting almost every day, as well as your sporadic phone call. We were beginning to adopt a kind of familiarity and comfort that was starting to feel kind of couple-y. So I brought up the whole gf/bf commitment conversation. He was absolutely blindsided by the conversation and said he needed to think about it. From that moment on Sunday morning, I was done. I got one more text from him on Thursday(Mar 12), just asking how my day was going. I didn’t reply. I have not heard from him again.
That very same Thursday, I got a message from a new guy. We chatted back and forth through the dating site, then he gave me his number on Saturday, and we kept texting back and forth and calling each other until we went out this past Saturday. Then we went out again on Sunday. And again on Monday. And again yesterday. We are not going out tonight, but we’ve been texting. Oh, and there has been plenty of texting before and after seeing each other.
With the first guy, I was very guarded, very cautious. Kept a tight hold on my heart, made no assumptions. I didn’t know where the boundaries were, and was careful not to overstep them.
With new guy, I have no question of where the boundaries are. I feel super-comfortable, and don’t worry about a broken heart. And I make all kinds of (correct) assumptions, and everything is good.
And physically, the first guy fit my type loosely, which is by no means a deal breaker. While new guy fits my type exactly.
And he’s SUPER-good at picking up on what you’re thinking and answering your question before you ask it. Or reading between the lines and answering the question you’re not asking. And, as silly as it seems written down in black and white, I tend to do that a lot. I’ll word a question in a specific way hoping for a certain answer. If I don’t get that answer, the other person won’t know the answer I was fishing for (or that I was fishing for a specific answer at all). It’s usually a situation of, I want to know about x, but I ask about y. But by answering y, I’m also getting my answer for x. I’m asking one thing to confirm something else. New guy hears my veiled question, makes the connection, and confirms the answer for what I’m really asking.
Case in point, he was a bit tipsy last night when he said something about wanting to be with me. I, being unfamiliar with how serious/ how much he’ll remember a conversation when drinking, asked him- not about wanting to be with me- but how drunk he actually was and how much he remembers. He started by answering the surface question, and then ended it by saying he absolutely remembered (and meant) what he said about wanting to be with me.
After feeling so affronted by the first guy not even thinking about being in an official relationship- let alone giving the worst answer when I finally asked him point blank (there was some previous waffling, I’ll admit)- this new guy is exactly what I needed.
I don’t know how long this is gonna last, but I have a good feeling about this.