sincerely bewildered

so, Lee, often while driving, i’m thinking about my future plans and past interactions. i don’t know why. but my social interactions are often forefront in my thoughts while behind the wheel.

during this morning’s commute (which is about 15 minutes) i thought about my writer’s group, and my nerd group, and my Nerdfighter friends, and realized the common bond among all of them. it is nothing they have in common (though, if i were to analyze it, similarities would be likely), rather a feeling i have toward all of them. and that feeling is complete and utter bewilderment as to why they like me.

i mean, sure. i’m a nice person. but there are plenty of nice people. my niceness certainly isn’t exceptional by any measure.

i’m of middling talent, middling attractiveness, middling intelligence- just rather average down the line. and i’m being kind right now. like, as people go, i think i’m rather unexceptional. yet everyone i know is pretty brilliant. they’re above average in smart and talented and pretty. and if birds of a feather flock together, it makes me wonder how exactly i fit in. like, i feel like it’s only a matter of time before some preconception is revealed to be false and they all politely fade out of my life. and i continue to grow ever-more baffled as this process continues to not happen.

now, i know that twitter followers are mostly bots, and most of the rest follow in the hopes of a follow-back (i.e. a numbers game to gain followers), but some of them are genuine people. and i’ve been gaining random followers. at a trickle, mind you. but still, the fact remains, a few of those people are genuine. which begs the question, “why are they following me?” especially my personal account. there is zero incentive there. just me tweeting the dumb things i think, posting pics of food, and RTing. i’m unremarkable- boring even- in every way, and i just don’t get it.

in other news, i’m trying to finish a novel! i plan to edit and polish it, and hope that by some miracle, my mediocrity somehow slips under an agent’s radar and i get picked up anyway. so… yeah. that’s my plan for success!

…uuuuuhh. *shakes head* i wish i were joking.

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