Deciding

hey Lee!

thought i’d stop by and say hi because work is SLOW! but i am totally ok with that. because i am SO tired, it’s already the middle of the month, and i still haven’t chosen which story to write for Nanowrimo. which is kind of a major problem, since i need to get planning.

i have a thing that feels storyish and a few major characters to play with in one story (working title, Magic). like i wrote a snippet from the first scene, i know the “mirror moment,” and i know where i’m going in the end, but there’s still a lot more work to do if that’s gonna be the one. same thing with Zombies and Mirrors. actually, i have a beginning and an end for Zombies, but i don’t know exactly what my mirror moment is. which is kind of a major problem. so maybe that takes it out of the running as a possible Nano project. so then it’s between Magic and Mirrors.

Magic is a new idea (as in only about 6 mths old), while Mirrors has been bouncing around my head for about a year. i’m excited about both of them, but i’m scared about both of them, too. i’m afraid my plot isn’t firm enough in Magic. and i guess that’s just a matter of doing more planning. but with Mirrors, i’m afraid of falling out of love with it. i’ve been thinking about Mirrors for a while now, and i LOVE my protagonist, and i LOVE my minor characters, and i LOVE my villain. which is why i’m afraid that when i start to write it, i’ll get disenchanted. i feel like i want to continue to love everyone, and that as soon as i start the messy work of putting all my snippets on a plot line, somehow some of the magic will be lost somehow. i’m basically too afraid of breaking up to fully commit. so i guess that rules out Mirrors for now. and that leaves Magic. so i guess, Magic, it is!

in other news, i’m editing the hell out of Spies. which really needed entire chapters cut out. i knew when i was writing it that entire chapters would come out. but while i was writing, i couldn’t imagine it without every last beautiful, shining word i put in. i truly know the meaning of “murder your darlings” now. there are lines that i really like, things my characters say and do, that i’m just going to have to part with. and i cut out chapters i didn’t think i was going to, but now i can’t imagine having them there. and i’m going to change a scene that has always seemed awkward, but now i realize why. the moment isn’t organic. i manufactured it in order to illicit a certain emotion from my character. basically, she’s forced to do something she really doesn’t want to do. but- well- that action in itself wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. it’s really all about her rejecting following orders, but having to do it anyway. i wanted her to feel uncomfortable. but in wanting her to feel uncomfortable, i manufactured an embarrassing situation. the scene in itself- her having to follow orders when she thinks she should run the show- is sufficient. i don’t need to add in some weird device that only distracts from rather than emphasizes what i’m trying to demonstrate. fun fact: the first iteration of this scene was the worst thing i have ever written. ever. seriously, i get embarrassed and ashamed that such awfulness could be generated from my mind. i deleted it. not cut and put aside like i do with everything else. i DELETED it. nowhere in the universe can you see that awful, awful scene. so yeah, the next time i sit down to edit Spies, i’ll rewrite that scene and make it- well i don’t know if good is the word, but i’ll make it decent. i don’t know that any of my writing is good yet.

however, i’m excited. i’m excited about Spies, because i’m making it better. and i feel like i got the main things right. like, i’m not cutting the major scenes that i knew i would write from the beginning. all those are staying. in fact, one of those scenes moved from the second half to the fourth chapter. it’s the other stuff that’s getting cut. and that makes me excited because it gives me a bit of faith in my writing. that i’m at least getting the big moments right. and that’s the most important thing. because when you’re reading a moment that the author thinks is big, and you- as a reader- don’t care about, it’s cringe-worthy. so i’m pretty sure i won’t be making anyone cringe.

anywho, i guess i’ve gotta go and do real world things now. …and solidify the plot points of Magic. Later days! <-- holla if you caught that reference! 😛

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