je ne sais quoi

i have that itchy, je-ne-sais-quoi feeling. and, Lee, when i get that feeling, i need to write something. and the easiest thing to write is a blog post.

i have stories in my head. and i’ve been thinking a lot about the book i’m editing. and i’ve been reading a lot of writing/editing advice and thinking about story structure.

i’ve been thinking about what details to put in, what quirks make a character individual. and i’ve been thinking about what to take out. and how to tell which things need to be changed. and which stories actually deserve to be worked on and polished, and which should be abandoned. at this point i can’t tell which stories really suck, and which just need honing. right now, everything feels like shit. and i can’t decide where precisely to start my story. and i keep re-writing my open. and i keep rewriting my second POV character’s introduction. and his introduction keeps moving from before character one’s, to after, to a car, to a crowded lobby, to an empty office… i’ve literally written three completely different opening scenes for him, and i may write a new one tonight. and i can’t tell you how many times i’ve rewritten the first sentence. no, really. i can’t. i’ve lost count. *sigh*

at least i’ve finally figured out where to open my other book. it was a snippet i never found a place for, but it’s the perfect open. it shows exactly what my MC’s life is like, what expectations he has, what is expected of him. and i’m going to completely take out another scene that was meant to serve the same purpose, but comes later and has always felt… tedious. like, i needed to show this facet of my character, but it felt very “let me show you this facet of this character,” rather than, “this is part of the story.” does that make sense?

i’m also starting to think about which story i’m going to tackle for NaNoWriMo this year. i have a few options, which only makes things harder. i don’t know whether to jump in on one of my newer ideas, or start on one of my more developed ideas. one thing i do know: there is no easy choice. one needs a lot of plotting/planning, one needs a lot of character development, one needs world building, and the rest need a blend of work. i suppose i could jump into one of my more developed stories. (let’s call it StoryStory for reference.) but that’ll mean i’ll really have to stamp out the time line and stop writing whimsical little snippets.

oh! i just remembered a story that will probably never see the light of day. it’s part of the StoryStory universe, but it would be part of a prequel. what i’m really sad about are certain moments that are gone. like the one on the bridge. or the other one in the tower. or another in the dining hall. and you won’t even get to see the inside of the palace. let alone walk through The Diamond. these are all things that happened, and places that exist in StoryStory, but they’re only mentioned in passing (if at all) during the part i’m writing. oh! and that one scene on the tundra plains. i’m not sure that region is even mentioned, let alone visited.

*sigh* writing is hard, Lee! there’s too many decisions to make. and you have to make sure to have enough of that, but not to much of this, and so on and so forth. and pacing and plotting and balance and flow and

aaah! everything sucks, and it’s awful, and i don’t know where i got the stupid idea that i could write in the first place! *hides*

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