>writing about writing (and website fails)

>ok. we’re gonna pretend i’m not completely frustrated.

…on second thought, i’m too frustrated to pretend i’m not frustrated.

so, as of now, the website is paid for, the domain is transferred, i’ve set up all the bells and whistles… but PHP, apparently, isn’t running on my server so my blog won’t install. why, yes. yes, i would like to kill someone. thank you for asking.

*takes deep breath*

this blog situation is putting a wrench in my pretty little plans. in preparation for NaNoWriMo, i want to write every day. whether i do that writing in one of my novels or in a blog post doesn’t matter, as long as i write every day. writing is a practice. once you’re used to pushing out words, especially in a creative capacity, it gets easier to do on command.

for example: i used to be in a music duo. i wrote a lot of the lyrics for said duo. by the time we broke up, i could write a reasonably catchy song about the topic of your choosing by request. the longer i worked on it, the better it would be. but i could give you something of decent quality within 30 minutes. or less, depending on the subject and what kind of day i was having.

i’m sure noveling is a bit more difficult (no, i know noveling is more difficult) than churning out lyrics for 2 1/2-3 minute songs, but still. once you find out how to frame something and get in the zone… well that’s half the battle. plus, once your mind is in the habit of getting in the proper zone, it’s easier to do it on command.

now, since i got this plan i’ve been writing more and i’ve been working to get my blog back online. (letting my website lapse didn’t help.) so, basically, i’ve got the website up, but WordPress (my latest drug of choice) will not install. no matter what angle i try to do it from.

however, every day wasted by failing to get my blog up is a day i’m not writing. writing is really the bigger picture here.

so, in classic Chelsea fashion, i’ve hooked up a workaround!

this is the free Blogger blog i abandoned in favor of my shiny WordPress one. as long as i have a Google account, this blog will exist. which, right now, i’m very glad i remembered.

now that i’ve sorted the sordid, i can move on to talking about the things i actually want to talk about. but perhaps in another post. cuz this has gotten way longer than expected. :P<!– text

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>boring day

>sorry, blog, but i’m not really in the mood to write. not a blog post anyway.

i had a pretty boring day. i ran a bunch of errands, then i watched Doctor Who (which i’ll need to watch again, though i liked it), and then i started looking for new books to put on my ipod. any suggestions, especially sci-fi and/or supernatural ones, would be appreciated.

anyway, i’m gonna go back to writing. it’s shit. but at least it’s writing. <!– text

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>writing about writing

>my laptop has decided to disconnect from the internet sporadically. so fun! (you could feel the sarcasm, right? cuz it’s emanating in palpable waves.)

hi blog! sorry not to greet you properly, but that is REALLY annoying! i’m sure, as the internet connoisseur that you are, you can feel my pain. (if not from pure empathy, then from those palpable waves i’m emanating.*)

ok, blog. despite the fact that i’m really getting into the swing of things and rather enjoying the frequent blogging this April, i need to regulate my sleep schedule. in other words, i gotta keep this as terse as possible so i can go to bed. …also i need to find where my W-2 crawled off to (as it’s tax day on Friday.)

so i’ve been thinking of NaNoWriMo lately. (remember i said yesterday that we would talk about this today?**) which, i admit again, is rather odd to be think about in April. especially in the midst of a project like BEDA. however, if there is one thing i’ve learned from attempting Wrimo,*** it’s that you definitely benefit from an outline! also, the two stories i’ve developed the most, and are therefore easier to write, are things i’m forbidden to touch. one story is my attempt from last year which means it’s already 10,000 words deep. and the second one i couldn’t write last year for the same reason: i already have bits of it written.

the good news is i have two other possible ideas for this year (there are others, but they’re not nearly as developed or interesting). i’ve already outlined one, which is good, but it involves a LOT of character interaction and dialogue. dialogue being my weakest point. also it involves a lot of character development (so that it’s not a lot of one dimensional, colorless dialogue****). the other i have the basic idea for, but i don’t know exactly how it ends, and although there’s less character development involved (because there are fewer main characters), there is a lot of research involved. it’s kind of sci-fi. also, i haven’t decided exactly how fiction i want to go with it.

so both are difficult, but in different ways. so my decision isn’t purely “which story do i want to write more?”, it’s really more “what kind of work do i want to do more?” do i want to imagine characters complexly and write a bunch of dialogue? or do i want to research and figure out my ending? either way, i want to try to pick one soon so that i have plenty of time to get my foundation in place before storm Wrimo hits.

another thing i’ve learned from last year’s Wrimo***** is that if you have a car accident, you probably should just give it up. cuz staring at the screen while you’re nodding out from Vicodin is extremely non-productive and every bit as exciting as you would imagine. (as in not exciting at all. i realize this is very subjective and that although i assume that everyone would imagine something rather dull or even unpleasant, that some imaginations may roam to more vivid territory. #excessiveclarification)

* 20 bonus points for using the word emanating. twice.

** me neither. but i always glance over my last blog so i know what i’ve already told you.

*** is it cool if i call it “Wrimo”? have we reached that level of familiarity? or have i become like that creepy salesman who starts calling you by a nickname to foster a sense of friendship and trust?

**** why is the word “dialogue” not in Chrome’s dictionary? that is so freakin’ weird. it’s not exactly an archaic word. as in it’s not archaic at all. it’s a common word. and there’s no good fucking reason for it not to be in my browser’s dictionary. jesus! get it together, Google!

***** i’ve decided to go with it regardless of how it may sound. i’m throwing caution to the wind! (man, i live dangerously, don’t i?)
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>don’t read this. seriously.

it’s really long and rambly and mostly unedited cuz it’s meant as a writing exercise. if you read past this point and are disappointed (which i mean, honestly, this is my blog so when doesn’t that happen when you read this? you’re clearly a glutton for punishment.) don’t blame me. cuz you can’t say i didn’t warn you.

…really? you’re still reading? you’re serious about this? ok, your funeral. or well, perhaps your mild headache. this writing isn’t up to par for killing. (it’s not even epically bad! it’s just monotonous pablum. terrible right? WHY are you reading this?) ok, here it is:

“I feel really crappy today.” I texted my mother when she asked me how I was today. That was around lunch time on Friday. I started coughing more and more. I started feeling fatigued. My awesome caffeinated cocoa, even spiked with coffee, was having only a marginal effect. There was only 30 minutes of work left. I could make another super-caffeinated cocoa coffee to get me through it, or just go home. While i was confident the cocoa coffee would work, I was less confident about surviving my drive home afterward. I wasn’t confident about making the drive home now.

Somehow I made it home, coughing all the way. Mom had dinner on the table. I said I just wanted to go to bed. She said, “Well, come eat first.” She could probably already tell that once I was in bed I was staying there. I listened to her and sat at the counter. Steak, rice and green beans. I wanted fresh squeezed lemon and ginger. I was too fatigued to get it, so I just ate it as it was. In retrospect, I could have just asked for it, but my foggy brain couldn’t work that out at the time. I changed my clothes and went to bed. And slept.

My skin was at that extra-sensitive level you only feel when you’re sick, which makes you super susceptible to cold and barely able to handle the feeling of your soft blankets grazing your skin. And with the fever you don’t want blankets at all because it’s too hot and any clothing feels like too much clothing. (I am VERY pro-clothing, so this is a very strong statement.) But you’re feeling these things simultaneously, so you don’t know which impulse to follow first. I realized my feet were burning up. Like I felt I might die if I didn’t do something to cool down my feet immediately. So I took off my socks and stuck my feet out from under the blankets, exposing them to the cool air. Even so, it took a minute for my feet to cool to a tolerable temperature. When they did and I could stand to keep them under the blankets again, I felt one of my feet touch my leg and noticed how warm it was. My feet are very rarely warm. Poor circulation, whatever. My feet are just cold. Even when they’re warm they’re still noticeably colder than the rest of my body. This is how I knew I had a fever. I turned over and went back to sleep.

My eyes felt heavy. Everything felt heavy. Everything had a dull ache in it. It didn’t so much ache to move as just ached to be. Just having the limb meant it was going to hurt. Moving didn’t hurt more, it was just a lot of effort. My brain was too groggy to read a book and I don’t think my eyes could take the effort. Besides, sitting up and finding a comfortable position to read in was impossible, seeing as no position was comfortable. I tried to check twitter. Between long heavy blinks, strained eyes took in the status updates. Chris Hardwick would be on The Soup. I like Chris Hardwick. I turned it on. I propped up my pillows so that they would support me in a sitting position. I forced my eyes to look at the screen. It took all my energy. When I blinked, I kept my eyes closed for as long as it was possible for you to still be considered watching something. I closed my eyes during the commercial breaks, listening intently for when the show came back. I didn’t watch and process in the usual sense. I kind of just absorbed. Chris was only on for a moment to plug his show. Literally hopped into the frame, talked for a moment, then hopped back out of the frame. And the show ended a few minutes after that. I lay back and closed my eyes, exhausted from the effort of watching the show. I was disappointed. So much effort for only a moment. I would have tweeted a complaint, but I knew he would literally feel bad. (on his podcast he always talks about feeling bad after reading stuff like that.) And I already felt bad enough. No need to cause more misery. I slept for a few more hours. I remember waking up a few times. Talking to my mom, or rather telling her I couldn’t talk because it would just make me cough. I found I also couldn’t talk because my throat perpetually needed cleared and my voice was nearly gone. It took so long and so much effort just to prepare my throat enough to get a few words out, and then I’d have a coughing fit. Prep, half a phrase, coughing fit, prep, finish phrase, coughing fit. Exhausting. Also, it’s hard to remember what the hell you’re even talking about when it takes over a minute to get a sentence out. Also, my mind really couldn’t handle a full conversation at the moment. I could take in information, with effort, but processing that information and coming up with a response was just asking too much. I also remember my mom giving me vitamins. And then I slept. Whatever else happened until noon on Saturday I was not conscious to report.

Despite needing to pee like mad, my body was not motivated. Only the knowledge that I didn’t want to pee on myself got me into the bathroom. And even then, just barely.

All I wanted was to get back into bed. Part of my brain wanted to be awake and think and do things. Everything else wanted to go back to sleep.

“I have movies we can watch!” said my mother. Movies, at this point, were far to much effort. First I would have to keep my eyes open for the full hour and a half. (A thirty minute show put me out for 2 hours.) Second I would have to follow the story. (Not sure I was capable of that.) And finally I would have to process the whole thing. (That was asking too much.)

Instead I listened to an audio book about vampires, zombies and ghouls. It was like lots of books. Not great writing, but an interesting enough story. Ya know, like everything I write. Like whatever I’ll end up with if I ever finish any of the stuff I’m writing. I nearly wrote the word “novel” but, jesus, that sounds pretentious. Good writers write novels. I’m not a good writer.

Whatever it is that I write, assuming I finish it, I suppose it will be called a novel. But I won’t like it. If you notice things like this at all then you will have noticed that I’ve capitalized my sentences and my “I’s.” Ya know, used proper grammar. There is a reason for this.

Part of this blog is just my blog and you’ll read it and hopefully be mildly entertained. (Too ambitious??? Sorry.) But part of this blog is a writing exercise. You may notice the tense change and repetitive language. And I usually correct things like that in my blogs. But right now I don’t care cuz it’s a writing exercise.

So anyway, that book was what? 5? 8 hours long? And I just laid in bed and listened to it. And I was glad I had it. Because doing anything else would have been exhausting.

At some point I logged into Skype and I got to talk to Clive. I was hoping I’d get to talk to Clive, but thought it was too late. (Time zones.) So that was good. I’ll have to look at the time stamp later to find out when that actually happened.

I think I kept pretty good track of what day it was. Despite everything all kind of melding together. I can’t really tell now when one thing or another happened, but at the time that it happened I knew what day it was. I knew when it was Sunday. I couldn’t really remember everything that had gone on Saturday, but I knew that it was Sunday.

I also got to catch up on some of my YouTube watching. By this time it was Sunday and I could keep my eyes open with little to no effort. For some reason when I would watch videos by Lydia or Hank, they would freeze. This is especially odd because when I would watch other videos on the same channel (John’s videos or the other ladies of 7NAP) I didn’t have a problem. This would happen to me on my old internet connection as well. Which can only leave me with one conclusion. YouTube is trying to prevent me from enjoying the goodness contained in both Hank and Lydia videos. And granted, there is more goodness in those videos than it should probably be legal to allow, but John and the other 7NAP ladies have some pretty fantastic videos as well and I had no trouble viewing theirs. So Lydia (who I know will eventually read this), Hank (who I know will never read this), there’s a conspiracy. I don’t know how far the conspiracy goes. I don’t know if YT is preventing just me from enjoying your awesome, or if other people are suffering too, but I just thought I should let you know that it exists.

So now I’m still a bit fatigued and still coughing and still blowing my nose and still on a bunch of meds and cough drops, but at least I’m not still fatigued, coughing, blowing my nose, on a constant stream of meds and cough drops while trying to be at work. That would definitely suck WAY more!

While I could probably think of more things to ramble about, or more details I could add, I won’t. The medicine is making me drowsy. This sentenced is being typed with my eyes closed. I literally can’t be bothered to look at what I’m writing anymore.

Oh, and by the way, especially having taken so long to get around to blogging, I am absolutely horrified at the thought of BEDA. Which starts in 4 DAYS! wheeeee!<!– text

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don’t call it a comeback!

…or do. i don’t care.

hey blog! long time no ramble!

i’ve been utterly busy with utterly dull things. hence why there haven’t been too many updates. i’m working and knitting mostly. that’s my life in a nutshell. occasionally i make an appearance on YT. that’s it.

while i enjoy knitting, it isn’t really something you write a blog about. …unless you’re really good at it and make a knitting a blog. in which case, that would be fine. and much more interesting than anything i would blather on about.

so now that i’ve avoided insulting any knitting bloggers who may have stumbled upon this blog…

lately i’ve been getting story ideas and trying my hand at writing. they’re interesting ideas, however, as readers of this blog will surely agree, i’m a shit writer. so instead of the ideas being communicated with eloquence and style (and, ya know, an interesting manner), they’re just written. most of the time when i read it back it just sounds clumsy and trite and awful.

but oh well. it’s still fun to do. so i do it when i have the time. maybe, with the practice, i’ll win NaNoWriMo this year. <!– text

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