>real friends online – BEDA 25

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ok, i have limited time, but i’m in a much better mood, so let’s try this again shall we?

from Feb 5th:
so i’ve been thinking a lot lately about how awkward and slightly creepy it is to have friends online. don’t get me wrong, i love you guys. but, see, that’s the problem. it’s kind of creepy that i love you guys.
let’s look at the facts. with the exception of one person, i have never actually met any of the people i talk to online. i have a few people’s addresses, but no one’s phone numbers. i know what all of you look like, sound like, and quite a few of your favorite things. i know your aspirations and even a few of your fears. i also happen to talk to most of you at least once a day. even if only briefly via twitter. and if i don’t talk to you, i at least get an update via twitter/facebook/youtube/your blog.
ps. i wish the content of my blogs matched the quality of most of my titles. :/

the conclusion: once again, i point to how i wrote the last line first. most times i find i write better when i’m leading up to a conclusion. and i really do wish the content of my blogs matched the quality of my titles. ah well!

so yeah. by the average non-computer nerd standard, we don’t know each other. at all. how much can you know about someone if you only ever met them over the computer.

i, NOT being the average non-computer nerd, say that you can know A LOT! especially when the lot of you are on YouTube. we see each other. which makes a HUGE difference. i probably wouldn’t give my … no, i’ll correct myself: i WOULD NEVER give my address to someone i’ve never seen. and i think i’ve actually gotten stricter about that since i’ve become a “youtuber.” before i thought talking to people via video was just an alternative to text. now i know that talking to people via video is a whole different experience!

there are things about personality and inflection and attitude that you just can’t see in text. and there’s something unique about seeing the same person in reality that you’ve already met on your screen. meeting someone you’ve only seen in a picture and text is meeting someone for the first time. meeting someone you’ve talked to via video is just an affirmation.

and if you’re like me, than you realize just how real and valid online friendships can be when your “irl” friendships are mostly online as well. i haven’t seen any of my irl friends in almost a year. any contact i have had with them has been online, and not anywhere near as frequently as i talk to my online friends. our interactions are far less personal as well. we talk in short messages on facebook. the basics are shared and that is all. they don’t watch my videos. they don’t read my blogs. they don’t follow me on twitter. i don’t think they even know what daily booth is. it’s not that they don’t have access to these things. it’s that they don’t find value in these things. they view these things as a form of vanity instead of a form of communication.

their interpretation: YT= look at me! blog = look at me! twitter = LOOK at me! daily booth= LOOK AT ME!!!

my interpretation: YT = talk to me (breaks the ice!) blog = tell me your opinion twitter = how’s your day? daily booth = let me share

all of it is interactive. it’s not some psycho, narcissistic exhibitionism. it’s not some twisted, permissible voyeurism. it’s not, in fact, creepy. it’s communication.

unfortunately, if it’s not your method of communication, it doesn’t seem valid. but aren’t we lucky to know how very valid, and real, and wonderful it is. 🙂 <3 <!– text

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>inspired

>i was just reading Lydia’s blog and, as per usual, was inspired. she always writes the lovliest things and makes me consider what’s going on in my life.
now, i don’t know how many sunny days there are in California, but i do know that i have a pretty sunny life (despite the clouds currently threatening rain outside). my life is filled with laughter and friendship and inspiration and fun plans.
i’ve been thinking a lot about my life in general lately, especially since designing the wall behind me in my videos. it’s covered with places/events i’ve been to, music i like, and friends i’ve made.
not too long ago, i was quite depressed. all my irl friends were out of town, i was feeling less and less of a connection to them anyway, and i just couldn’t seem to find a purpose. like, a “what the hell am i doing with my life?” purpose.
it’s so different from today, where i’m planning today’s video(for 7NAP), thinking of how i’ll be editing another video(for my channel), checking the VidCon countdown, figuring a savings plan to go to England, collecting things for my culture packages, and finding a theme for the next Nerdfighter gathering.
it’s ironic how my irl friends being out of town or in other countries means not talking to them and growing apart, but half of my online friends are in other countries and we talk all the time and are constantly growing closer.
maybe that has more to do with me changing and the kind of people i choose as friends. but whatever it may mean, the fact remains: while my life could use more money, better focus, and a bit more exercise, there’s definitely no lack of sunshine!<!– text

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>despicable

>ok, Facebook. we need to talk. (wait, i feel like i’ve pulled this gimmick before)
hmm…
Facebook, i’ve had enough. i mean, you’ve been pretty nervy before, but this is getting out of hand. you’ve already suggest friends, which, i’ll admit, on occasion comes in handy. ON OCCASION. but lately you’ve been keeping track of how often i’m in contact with my friends and suggesting that i message them. and already makes me uncomfortable.
now you’re telling me i should make friends the “easy way” and claiming that my friends and family have already tried it.

you wanna know what the easy way of making friends would be? logging out of Facebook and going irl. i’ll do it Facebook, i swear to God i’ll do it!
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>new years eve

>i can’t believe it’s the last day of the year. it’s all gone by so fast!

if you told me January of last year that some of my coolest friends would end up being overseas, i wouldn’t have believed you. i also didn’t know what a Nerdfighter was, so…

if you asked me why i’m on the staff of The Guide and why i’m determined to make it a reality, i would tell you it’s because being a Nerdfighter and being part of the Nerdfighter community has not only changed my life and exposed me to amazing people, but it has changed me! who and what i have at the top of my value list is different. and i never want that to change.

as for “irl” changes (irl being in quotes because some of the friendships i’ve made online this year seem more real than the ones in the supposed irl) nothing really has changed. i still go to work and see and talk to my friends occasionally. “occasionally” meaning almost never.

last year at this time i had a desperate hope that better things were coming.

so much unlike last year, i look forward to the new year! because i KNOW good things are coming! VidCon, for one thing, is guaranteed to be AWESOME! (plus it’s happening the weekend before my birthday. so instead of a little party, i’ll be going to VidCon!)

7NAP. it’s fun! and we’re just starting! which is so exciting! (video tomorrow! yay!)

The Guide. oh, The Guide. well, it’s gonna be epic. and i’m freakin’ part of it! i’m on the freakin’ Staff! it can’t be more awesome than that.

who knows what else this year holds for me? a podcast hopefully. but then, who knows?

see you all in the New Year! <3
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>best laid plans

>you know what my friends are best at?

making plans. they are good at getting a hold of you, making a connection, sharing those inside jokes. they really have a knack for engraving a date and time in your head. they have a firm grasp on what’s fun and a good time to do it.

unfortunately they all have a strange fear of commitment. or, at the very least, they have a distinct aversion to committing to their plans. i’ve taken to referring to them as “The League of Flakes.” (in my head, anyway.)

i’m always amused when someone contacts me to get together. from the moment of contact it’s a countdown to when the cancellation/”sorry i didn’t call you” message comes through. and that’s always my favorite part, ’cause it’s usually accompanied by a heartfelt apology and a fervent professing, in the sincerest manner of course, that we MUST get together soon. these are usually vague promises, though occasionally, they’re more pretend plans.

can’t imagine such a thing? well, here’s a visual aid.

friends,plans

why do they do this? do they get some kind of queer amusement in making plans they never intend to follow through with? or is it really the breaking the plans that they enjoy?

i’m afraid i don’t have the answers to these questions. and frankly, the process is so repetitious, i really can’t be bothered to wonder anymore.

is there really any question as to why i’m anti-social?