>book signing

>this blog, comin’ at ya in three parts, is what happened between 7pm and 11pm.

Homeward Bound… i think
as i walked down the dark alley toward my car, fiddling with my phone all the while, i couldn’t help but pause and think of Allison.
“what kind of person goes around walking down dark alleys?” i had said incredulously.
apparently, i do.*
so i set my GPS to guide me home, and… there’s a crucial moment when you’re being directed by a navigation system where it tells you to make a turn and gives you time to switch lanes. at this particular moment, my mother called. i panicked. if i picked up the phone, i wouldn’t hear the navigation directions. if i let it keep ringing, i wouldn’t hear the navigation directions. i rejected the call and saw that i was in the wrong lane and would not be able to make a right turn.
“oh, no. i’m lost.”
so, of course, i panic even more and when the GPS tells me to make a right in half a mile, i make the first right i see. and when the GPS tells me to take a left in 3/4 miles, i take the first left i see. i, finally, start listening to the logical side of my consciousness that, by this time, is screaming, “Chelsea! what the fuck are you doing? LISTEN TO THE GPS! JUST FOLLOW THE INTRUCTIONS!”
so i take a deep breath, say, “ok,” and follow the navigation’s instructions till i’m home.

On the Catwalk
so, GPS navigation systems are useful and hilarious tools. useful in that they get you places, hilarious in that they butcher street names. Hazletine is has-ul-tine. Cañon (canyon) is canon. and La Cienega (see-en-egg-a) is La see-nigga.
once i found the place on La SeeNigga, it was time to play the parking game! i circle the block 3 times before i find a spot in the alley that doesn’t threaten to tow my car if i’m not a patron of Blockbuster** or a resident.
after parking, i find i’m not the only one favoring this alley way. apparently, it is also a good place to learn to walk like a model in 6 inch stiletto heels. taught, of course, by a tall black gay man. i mean, to be honest, i wasn’t a block away from the Beverly Center, so i wasn’t exactly thrown by seeing a tall black man in heels. i was more shocked by how fancy and chic they were. i was more shocked to see someone drive up and drop off pink, sparkly heels for the model. i was more shocked that they felt this alley was a good place to practice.
at the door, people were checking names off a list. i wasn’t on this list. i asked if you had to be on the list. the guy said that if there were any no-shows, he would let me in a 8pm. so i had 15 minutes to kill. i sat in my car***, chatted with my mom on the phone, and surreptitiously watched the model-walk lessons.

Blow It Up
to do anything interesting, you have to drive over the hill, out of the sunny Valley, and down into the wonderful chaos that is Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and eventually, the coast. you are not in Kansas anymore. it would not be unusual if you did, in fact, run into representatives of the Lollipop Guild.
this is the perfect place for a book signing by Chuck Palahniuk, an author whose characters would feel right at home in WeHo (way-ho)****.
at 8pm i walk to the door, pay for a book (which is the entrance fee), and get an assigned seat in the front row.
so the basis of “Tell All” is the story of a woman who’s award is weighing her down. (that was the crappiest explanation ever, but i need to move on.) and apparently Chuck likes to have games during his readings. so he got a bunch of blow up award statues. i mean, these things stood about 5 feet tall. and there were two rounds where you had to blow these up as fast as you could, and in the last round you had to blow up a giant heart. the few who could blow these up the quickest would get a blow up turkey as a prize.
“I saw these and I just HAD to get them!” says Chuck, admiring the signed turkey he’s holding up.
he was nervous. but he played it off well. only if you were really paying attention (watching his hands shake as he turned the pages, watching him play with a ring while he answered questions) would you realize his nervousness. his voice didn’t waiver, his eyes didn’t wander. when he stops to think before answering a question, he goes into a kind of suspended animation. he crosses his arms, presses his lips together, stares straight ahead, and just stays there. not moving. then he reanimates and says his answer.
one thing i did not like. NO PICTURES! who doesn’t allow pictures?!
it was a strange night. but i would have been disappointed had it not been. 🙂

*i would like to point out that i still stick firm to my stance that a gun would not have improved my situation had there randomly been 5 guys there waiting to pounce.
**seriously, Blockbuster? you’re gonna pretend you can fill all those spots? cuz we both know you’re a dinosaur sinking in the tar of the internet. not even half of the parking spaces were taken! and we both know most of those cars belonged to employees.
***this car is not, in fact, mine, but a rental. short story: the car freaked out on me on my way home from work on Monday and we rented a car for the week on Tuesday morning. the work is under warranty, so no new cost on our part. and in fact the work is finished and we’ve gotten the car back, but we still have the rental.
****WeHo, or West Hollywood, if you don’t already know, is SoCal’s gay capital. (SanFran or Frisco, obviously being NorCal’s captial.) there is also a NoHo. and to be fair, it is north of Hollywood, though not actually in Hollywood at all. it’s in the Valley. i spent most my childhood there. by the way, we seem to like our shortened names here in Cali.
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>i imagine…

>oh hai blog!

what’s that? you feel that i’ve been blatantly neglecting you? thinking about you constantly, yet avoiding you like the plague the way a 13 year old girl with a crush would? ok, i was gonna lie. i was gonna say it’s your imagination, you’re a bit melodramatic, and seriously, i only like you as a friend. but we both know the truth.

i’ve been avoiding you, blog. and it’s because i’ve gone ahead and set up stupid impossible standards that only exist in my mind… again.

you see, i’ve put you on this pedestal, blog. and now i can’t just dribble out some mundane pablum. we’re beyond that now. we’ve done better. and to go back to the drivel… it just seems like an injustice!

and so i’ve chosen to neglect you in favor of sparing you worthless nonsense. but can you blame me, blog? really?

so, because i’m a complete fucking psycho (or that’s what all the evidence indicates, in any case) i’ve taken on a new collab project. and i’m covering history. now this really, in all seriousness, is NOT a big deal. unless you’re me and you’ve decided that paranoia is necessary in all aspects of your life.

so do i simply say, “hey! i’ll give the wiki randomizer a spin till i find something i like, research it further, then vlog about it”? of course i fucking don’t! do you see any nail biting, lip chewing, or nervous ticks developing with that method? NO! so, clearly, not the choice for me.

ok, so i don’t bite my nails, nor do i have any nervous ticks, but i do chew my lips. and just give it some time! with a little diligence (and continuance of my current habits) i’ll get there! have a little faith, yeah?

and if you don’t believe that i can turn any situation into a panic attack, just take this blog as an example. it’s simple really. think of something, write about it. but no. i have to think, “later, when i have time. i’ll research it and make it really good.” and instead there’s no post at all.

so from here on in, here’s to not making such a big frickin’ deal about everything.

and now that i’ve put everything into perspective, thus clearing all of the ridiculous anxiety clouding my mind, i’ve figured out, during the writing of this post, what the next 2-3 5BD videos will be about.

thanks, blog. you’re such a good listener! and you always know just what to say. <!– text

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>Last Day! Yay! – BEDA 30

>
well, here we all are on the last day of BEDA!

i’m glad it’s done, but i’m gonna miss it, too! i kind of like planning ahead for what i’m gonna write for my blogs. 🙂 i think from now on, my blogs will be a bit more centered instead of just a random flow of whatever.

so i’m already scripting my first video for 5 Biggest Dorks! i’m really excited about it! i’ve never scripted a video before! i mean, i’m usually using notes. but those are just bullet points. i don’t actually write anything i’m gonna say ahead of time! but i kind of have to for this. it’s gonna be history packed into 2-4 minutes. i can’t cut myself off or edit something out. and i can’t ramble on, so i have to script it. i’m glad with this project i have two weeks to plan, record and edit each video! i have to post on Monday, but i don’t have to record it on Monday. like how 7NAP chronicles my life one Friday at a time. not that i’m giving up 7NAP any time soon, i like that too much! but this is fun cuz it’s completely different from anything else i’ve done. 🙂

plus, i think it’s something Nerdfighters will enjoy watching because it’s gonna feature 5 different personalities in 5 different locations completely nerding out about something they enjoy. i’d watch it! i mean, i’m just as excited about seeing what the others are going to do as much as i am about making my video. plus, besides Austin, i’m meeting 3 new people via this project! so i’m excited about the possible friendships i’m about to make.

well, blogosphere, for the last time we can call this BEDA this year:

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ok, seriously, Chelsea? you’re procrastinating your blogs now? but you’re almost done! *shakes head in disappointment*

the most ridiculous part: i had this blog all planned out. what i was going to talk about, there was a theme, just… *sigh* this was going to be the blog that made up for the past couple of weak ones. and then do you know what happened? i started to read Adam the Alien’s blog post about collabs!

ok, less than a minute. gotta hit post!
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>you can call me Monday – BEDA 28

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so blog, we’re almost done blogging every day in April. i still haven’t found something to do in May, but who knows? maybe i’ll find inspiration on May 1st.

so yesterday i saw the movie Chloe. now i generally liked the movie but i thought a couple of scenes were a bit pornographic and unnecessary.

my mom (not having seen it yet): so, what did you think of it?
me: i dunno. i liked it. but some scenes were a bit pornographic.
my mom: well, you are a bit of a prude, so… *shrugs*

my mother called me a prude!!! wha… how… just… wtf?

so, on May 10th, i’m gonna be in a new collab channel. (i’ll still be do Friday on 7NAP, i’ll just be doing this as well) this one was thought up by my friend Austin during her walk home. she was inspired by the song “Hey Kristina” by ALL CAPS. in particular the line, “Hey Kristina, i’m one of the 5 biggest dorks i know.” hence the channel name, “5 Biggest Dorks.”

So this is gonna be bi-weekly. or from a viewer standpoint, Mon-Wed-Fri one week, then Tue-Thu the next week. so there’ll be posts every week, but we’ll only be posting every other week. which is good because this isn’t just a get-to-know-you collab. i actually have to plan and probably (at least loosely) script my video. The idea is five people, each nerdy in their own way. i’m the history nerd. and i’m on Monday. so i’m starting of the week this time, instead of being nestled deep into the week where no one will notice me too much.

but i’m really excited about it too. cuz i’ve been wanting to do another project because i want to do something that makes me blog more often, and i wanted to do something different from 7NAP. so i said yes before i even knew what i was doing when Austin brought it up today. it took a while of me and Austin talking it out before i decided to do history. i kept thinking of it as this really dull torture full of research topics i don’t care about. because that’s what history was for me in school. but that’s not this. this is the parts of history that i find interesting. researching and learning about them will be fun, not tedious and torturous.

ok, blog. i’d write more, but i’m falling asleep! so i’ll have to say goodnight for now. :)<!– text

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>write about Alan

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so, i’m just gonna be honest: i’m still not inspired. but i am listening to Alan Lastufka’s new CD. only 2 tracks in so far so there’s only 2 things i can say so far: 1) i don’t know what i was expecting, but i was a bit surprised. 2) i like it so far.
and one more thing, i love the way it sounds like you’re listening to the radio. that’s a really cool idea. extra awesome points.
maybe i’ll talk more about it tomorrow, when i’ve listened to the whole thing.
oh, and if anyone’s wondering how i’m already listening to the album when the pre-orders just started today (you obviously haven’t pre-ordered it yourself, nor been following Alan’s VEDA), you get the whole 2 disc album complete with album art for download as soon as you order it. i only wish they had started this with the ALL CAPS album. i swear i seriously thought about emailing Alan and presenting him with my case for why he should send me the ALL CAPS digitally. i didn’t because i figured he’d think i was completely mad. well, i guess i was wrong. though it does make me wonder if he came up with the idea on his own or if someone as crazy and impatient as me asked him to send the CD digitally. (my case was going to be “i already paid for it. i’m going to rip the CD as soon as i receive it anyway. you’ve got the money, i want to listen to it on my ipod. why not just let me have it now?”)
well, as fascinating as this blog has been, i’m going to have to end it now. i plan to write something much more interesting tomorrow. i mean, there’s only 3 blogs left. gotta make ’em good right? (or at least decent.) 🙂
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>uninspired – BEDA 26

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sorry blog. i have yet to be inspired tonight. i really have nothing interesting to say at the moment. i’m sure you’re arguing that i never have anything interesting to say. to which i reply that this is true, and we both know this, but it’s just plain mean spirited and in poor taste for you to rub it in my face.

hopefully i’ll have a better, longer, more inspired blog tomorrow. (wow, that sentence looked like it was headed for “that’s what she said” territory for a second there! XD)<!– text

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>real friends online – BEDA 25

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ok, i have limited time, but i’m in a much better mood, so let’s try this again shall we?

from Feb 5th:
so i’ve been thinking a lot lately about how awkward and slightly creepy it is to have friends online. don’t get me wrong, i love you guys. but, see, that’s the problem. it’s kind of creepy that i love you guys.
let’s look at the facts. with the exception of one person, i have never actually met any of the people i talk to online. i have a few people’s addresses, but no one’s phone numbers. i know what all of you look like, sound like, and quite a few of your favorite things. i know your aspirations and even a few of your fears. i also happen to talk to most of you at least once a day. even if only briefly via twitter. and if i don’t talk to you, i at least get an update via twitter/facebook/youtube/your blog.
ps. i wish the content of my blogs matched the quality of most of my titles. :/

the conclusion: once again, i point to how i wrote the last line first. most times i find i write better when i’m leading up to a conclusion. and i really do wish the content of my blogs matched the quality of my titles. ah well!

so yeah. by the average non-computer nerd standard, we don’t know each other. at all. how much can you know about someone if you only ever met them over the computer.

i, NOT being the average non-computer nerd, say that you can know A LOT! especially when the lot of you are on YouTube. we see each other. which makes a HUGE difference. i probably wouldn’t give my … no, i’ll correct myself: i WOULD NEVER give my address to someone i’ve never seen. and i think i’ve actually gotten stricter about that since i’ve become a “youtuber.” before i thought talking to people via video was just an alternative to text. now i know that talking to people via video is a whole different experience!

there are things about personality and inflection and attitude that you just can’t see in text. and there’s something unique about seeing the same person in reality that you’ve already met on your screen. meeting someone you’ve only seen in a picture and text is meeting someone for the first time. meeting someone you’ve talked to via video is just an affirmation.

and if you’re like me, than you realize just how real and valid online friendships can be when your “irl” friendships are mostly online as well. i haven’t seen any of my irl friends in almost a year. any contact i have had with them has been online, and not anywhere near as frequently as i talk to my online friends. our interactions are far less personal as well. we talk in short messages on facebook. the basics are shared and that is all. they don’t watch my videos. they don’t read my blogs. they don’t follow me on twitter. i don’t think they even know what daily booth is. it’s not that they don’t have access to these things. it’s that they don’t find value in these things. they view these things as a form of vanity instead of a form of communication.

their interpretation: YT= look at me! blog = look at me! twitter = LOOK at me! daily booth= LOOK AT ME!!!

my interpretation: YT = talk to me (breaks the ice!) blog = tell me your opinion twitter = how’s your day? daily booth = let me share

all of it is interactive. it’s not some psycho, narcissistic exhibitionism. it’s not some twisted, permissible voyeurism. it’s not, in fact, creepy. it’s communication.

unfortunately, if it’s not your method of communication, it doesn’t seem valid. but aren’t we lucky to know how very valid, and real, and wonderful it is. 🙂 <3 <!– text

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>boy or girl? – BEDA 24

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hi blog! so, as promised, grumpy Chelsea went to sleep last night and awoke as refreshed, even-tempered, sound-minded, messy-haired, happy Chelsea. i would have linked to the grumpy Chelsea 7NAP video yesterday, but it was still uploading, so here it is today:

so, yes, i still think it epically sucked that i didn’t get to make the super-fun video i wanted to make due to lack of tweet participation, but i think i made a pretty good video despite me not wanting to even look at my camera, let alone turn it on, talk at it for 10 minutes, and then spend 45 minutes editing. that’s right. 45 minutes, sometimes an hour. aka i suck at editing. don’t judge me.

but i digress. actually no, i didn’t digress at all. i was completely on topic, however not the topic i would like to blog about today, and i rather like saying “digress” so i said it anyway. i also like saying “remiss” but i seldom get to say it. however now, i really am digressing.

so here it is kids! blog 24! (except not literally blog 24 because i kinda failed a couple times. :/)

(wait, are you cheering about the blog, or the fail?)

so, i’m making a sincere effort to catch up on the backlog in my sub box. and, in doing that, i’m making a lot of comments today. and sometimes, when i comment on a guy’s stuff, i tend to say things that are very girly because i am, after all, a girl, but i have a kind of guyish s/n. (coolhandjohnny) more than once i have found myself adding to the end of my comment, “i’m a girl btw.” i was about to do it today, but then left it off. the comment was on an sxephil video and i said, “i love that you love me in a weird way, and i love you in a weird way as well.” (or something extremely similar.) and sometimes there are videos that ask for female viewer opinions that i also feel it necessary to append my disclaimer.

the thing is: is it necessary to append my disclaimer?

again, i say i didn’t add it the sxephil love comment because i thought, “well, worst case scenario people think i’m a strange guy or gay guy.” which isn’t bad, i’d just much rather people know that i’m a girl.
now i chose my s/n because i wanted something generic, maybe even a bit guyish because, it’s sadly still a fact that, male opinions get more respect than female. i’ve been in debates in comment sections before where, when they knew i was a girl, the rebuttal included sexist remarks that called me out as inferior for being a woman. while i’ve also gotten remarks from equally sexist guys who said sexist remarks to the female sounding s/n’s (like sexyangel), but gave me a legitimate, albeit idiotic, answer.

so it’s both served me well, and failed me. i also find that it’s rather unique, so it does serve as identifying me as the individual that is coolhandjohnny. if you see that s/n, you can pretty much rest assured that it’s me. but also, it comes from the movie Cool Hand Luke. and while i remember the impression the movie left behind (i cried and everything!), i don’t remember too much of the movie itself. and as such, does it represent the individual that is me?

i also would like to properly add the conclusion to the February blog fragment i inserted into yestertay’s blog, but as this is getting rather lengthy, i’ll save that for tomorrow. <!– text

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>bad mood

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Fatigue Meter: 10

Chelsea and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

ok, so it wasn’t that bad (like at all), but i still wanted to say that. (book nostalgia FTW!)i wish i had written my blog earlier when i was in a better mood.

as much as i’d like to say i’m totally over it, i’m totally not over the fact that my plan for an epic video was epic alright. an epic fail.

so, i sent this tweet this morning. and no one replied. which rather sucked since i think it was a genuinely good idea.

it’s times like these that make you want to delete your twitter account. :/

anywho, since i sent the “important” email with all the details that everyone needs to know for the big meeting on Sunday, i really haven’t wanted to think about the Guide. and for the most part, i haven’t thought about it. i have tweets set to be sent automatically, so the one today was actually written days ago.

ugh! i’m talking about twitter again!

from Feb 5th:
so i’ve been thinking a lot lately about how awkward and slightly creepy it is to have friends online. don’t get me wrong, i love you guys. but, see, that’s the problem. it’s kind of creepy that i love you guys.
let’s look at the facts. with the exception of one person, i have never actually met any of the people i talk to online. i have a few people’s addresses, but no one’s phone numbers. i know what all of you look like, sound like, and quite a few of your favorite things. i know your aspirations and even a few of your fears. i also happen to talk to most of you at least once a day. even if only briefly via twitter. and if i don’t talk to you, i at least get an update via twitter/facebook/youtube/your blog.
ps. i wish the content of my blogs matched the quality of most of my titles. :/

my thoughts now: first, i’d like to point out that this is a perfect example of the fact that sometimes i write the last line before i’m finished with the post. i did that with my last blog entry as well.

ugh! i keep trying to turn this blog around and make it positive, but my mood just really sucks! every time i make an attempt to turn it around, it just u-turns and goes right back to negative! i can’t write an entry about internet friends when i’m this moody. ok, i’m going to stop this blog post before it gets any worse, and i’m going to bed before my mood can get any worse.

good night!
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