a rant

this is not a “my feelings are hurt” rant. this is not a “it’s unfair” rant. this is a “why am i stuck with a fucking child as a boss” rant.

not boss 1 (thank god!) or the youngest, boss 3. but boss 2, boss 1’s brother.

father and son are out of town, thus leaving me only with boss 2. this already makes me go, “ugh!” but that is not the problem.

it is boss 2’s birthday today. as with everyone’s birthday, he got a cake. one of my other co-workers is notorious for taking a large slice of cake and sometimes returning for seconds. just to be a dick (though i’m sure if you hear his version it was to be funny) boss 2 waited to cut the first slice, just to make said co-worker wait. we’re setting the stage here mind you. the rant is about to begin.

so he finally does cut the cake, and presents the first piece to my office mate. and she says, “the first piece? i feel special.” and boss 2 says, “you are special, (name here).” it’s not that he did something nice. it’s that he does these things and is specifically not nice to me. ever. and it is punctuated by how whenever ANYONE ELSE does nice things, they always do them for each of us. ALWAYS.

some days he just comes in and says, “good morning, (name here)!” with extra vigor. then doesn’t even look at me. but this one took extra effort. and i just have to say:

seriously? what are you trying to get out of this? what is the goal? cuz honestly, the only thing you’re achieving is me wanting (even more) to be far away from you. if you have some problem with me, i don’t have control over it, and you need to sort it out.

it’s just so annoying to have to work with someone like this. and it’s not like i can just avoid him entirely (as i would like to) because he’s a boss. ugh! and he NEVER takes a day off! i hope something happens so that i only work in the back and don’t have to be in the front office and deal with him. he’s such a vile person!

…you know what? from now on, we shall refer to him as “douche master.” i don’t expect he’ll be appearing in my blog very often, but when he does, “douche master” shall be his name. <!– text

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>personal swarm

>i don’t like eating lunch at work. i drive around the block, park in the shade, and eat my lunch in my car. then i listen to a podcast, or read, or talk on the phone, whatever.

it’s rather hot today so i rolled my windows down to catch the breeze. so i’m eating my lunch when a bee starts trying to get into my car. i close my windows, making it immediately 10 degrees hotter in the car and wait for a full minute for the bee to lose interest. it’s nearly boiling by the time i get to open my window again.

it’s not thirty seconds before another bee comes and takes its full minute to try to bake me alive. but it finally loses interest too, and i roll my windows down again.

the car hasn’t had a chance to cool back down completely before a hornet turns up. while i’m waiting for the hornet to leave, more bees show up. all the while it’s getting hotter in the car.

a mail truck, a vehicle with no doors, is parked a little ways down the street. it’s been there a few minutes and i see the mail carrier casually get out and walk to the back of the truck. which communicates to me that he is NOT being plagued by a handful of bees and hornets. this is an isolated incident.

i give up and drive back to work. :(<!– text

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>Cillian

>

“I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing i know anything about – Oscar Wilde
I saw that on a Cillian movie!”

those are the text messages i received from my mother. my mother is fucking AWESOME! if you don’t know who Cillian is, then we simply aren’t friends.

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>sister, project

>so, i know i don’t really mention it, but i have a sister. a half sister. she’s like, 6 years older than me and lives in Kalamazoo. something we have in common, maybe it’s genetic, we’re not good with communication. i mean, once we’re talking we can go on and on. it’s just that you have to get us talking first.

so, i’m REALLY bad at communication. those of you reading this blog may disagree. you may be thinking about how you’ve never had a problem communicating with me. and i’d have to tell you that there’s a very good reason for this: i’m REALLY trying!!!

i mean, i am NOT USED to trying. i’m kind of a “we’ll talk when we get around to it” kind of person. but i don’t really want to be that kind of person anymore. and getting back to people first chance i get is part of that change.

long story short, i talked to my sister yesterday. and we hadn’t talked in like, a month or two. and i don’t know her very well. we’ve only been in contact for about a year now. not very long at all. but we now have a plan to talk to each other every other Sunday. which i like. cuz it’s kind of nice having another sibling. 🙂 especially when your sister is this really nice person who is always trying to find good things to be doing. like, she takes on charity projects. and the company she works for is a charity. and, yeah, she’s kind of awesome. i’m glad she’s a nice person and not… i don’t know. it would suck to talk to your sister and find out she’s vapid and evil. i mean, this could have gone in the complete opposite direction. this could’ve been a blog about how horrified i am at what a horrible person she is. but she’s not. so… yay!

also, i’m always doing some sort of project now. which i like. i really do. i have one more thing to do for hotnerdsexy, and then i only have to worry about producing episodes for a while. 🙂 oh, yeah! i redesigned the website! check it out: hotnerdsexy.com

i’m really proud of that site! i’ve never designed a website before, so… yeah. happy it turned out so well. 🙂

ok, it’s time to leave the working. so i will be to talking some other times, yeah? hopefully soon. hopefully with even more stuff accomplished that i can update about. 🙂

…there were a lot of smileys in this blog. and it turned out disjointed due to time constraints. :/ ah, well.
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>dull dreaming

>”sitting under my desk, making swirls in my cocoa.”

that is how i would like to update my twitter status. unfortunately, i work in the front office, so instead i am limited to only making swirls. no sub-desk adventures for me. :/

wow. if i didn’t work in the front and have to be presentable, my co-workers would think i was insane. …well, considerably more insane than they think i am now.

so, hi blog. i was feeling a bit down last time i visited. and it wasn’t that i was being cryptic about it or anything. it’s just that’s how low i felt. i couldn’t even fathom the words to describe how i felt. i feel a bit better now, though.

as always, i’m working on side projects. right now i’m working on the #hotnerdsexy website. by the time i’m done it’s going to be very clean and simple. and all things considered that is proving to be a bit difficult. the thing is, i keep thinking of things it would be cool to do and then having to figure out how to do them. i need to focus on doing the re-launch, and then worrying about the bells and whistles. but alas, i am forever getting ahead of myself.

thinking of #hns, we’re recording a new episode today! i think it’s gonna be better than last episode. everything was out of sorts last episode. kinda sub-par. this episode will be much better. even with me feeling kinda sleepy. i’m gonna get caffeinated on my way home. 🙂

i still feel like #hns could use something, but i don’t know what yet. ah well. we’ll come across it soon enough.

so now i’ve got 20 minutes left of work. and i really felt like leaving early today. the only reason i didn’t is because i came in late. so i figured it’d be best to stick it out. though it would have been much easier to stick it out from under my desk. the light wouldn’t be as bright down there. i could drape my sweater over the front and make an office fort. and i could see who’s coming and be able to deflect them with ease. (mostly by calling out in a small, muffled voice, “no one’s here!”) it would be awesome.

ok. it’s only been five minutes since our last time check, but i’ve had enough. i’m gonna assume no one will care or notice if i’m gone in the next 5 minutes.

*escapes*<!– text

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>#nerdjokes

>this is a quickie folks. so here’s what just happened:

back story (so that this makes sense): i pass out a terabyte external hard drive to every one of the engineers every Thursday so they can back up their data.

my coworker comes in, and he tilts the drive a bit before he sets it down on my desk. then he says, “oops! i spilled some data there!” #nerdjokes #soawful #ilawled

and that concludes our quickie. i hope it was as good for you as it was for me. <!– text

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>bad idea

>sometimes project ideas are gradual. they start with an inspiration. whatever the thing is that inspired you is, you think about it and you think about it. you analyze and you discuss and you develop. and then you finally have this plan.
sometimes project ideas just hit you. they’re random. they’re completely undeveloped. you’re not even sure how you are going to do them, or if you even WANT to do them. but like magic, almost as though they’ve been introduced by someone else, they’re there. in your head. and if you’re me, you do them.

Amazon likes to suggest things to you. at first it’s kind of annoying. but if you think about it (and you happen to find marketing fascinating!) then you find that it’s rather genius. every suggestion is based on what YOU LIKE. so it’s very likely that buying what they suggest is a good idea.

i’m stubborn. the more i’m told to do something, the less likely i am to do it, and more apt to drag my feet about it. if something is popular and everyone is doing it (society telling me to do something) i run away from it. if my mother says i should do something, i fight it… or do it later. homework, school, whatever, apply this to EVERYTHING, and you have my reaction to ANYTHING. and, to make it worse, despite the fact that i know this system doesn’t work, or at least it works very poorly, i do it anyway. because i’m stubborn.

so Amazon has been suggesting books by author Chuck Klosterman for years. literally. i’ve been stubbornly ignoring this suggestion for a LONG time. but while walking down a random aisle in the library, as i like to do, i came across a couple of his books. literally, there were two lone Chuck Klosterman books sitting among a sea of other authors. (we’re gonna ignore for a moment that TWO books in a SEA of other books is hardly “lone” just this once, ok? stay with me!) since i recognized the name instantly from seeing it thrown at me for so many years, i finally caved and decided to pick them up.

i mentioned my happenstance with these books, and a few people expressed interest in me letting them know how it went. you know, the reading of the books.

VidCon is this thing where 1400 people who make and watch videos on YouTube, as well as a few of the people who run YouTube, went to go celebrate the wonderfulness of each other much like a giant hippy orgy, but with all of the physical contact and none of the nudity or sex. yeah. awesome.

preparing for VidCon, going to VidCon, then recovering from VidCon left NO TIME for beginning, or even remembering Chuck Klosterman books, the library, Amazon, or my family. hence, i just picked up “Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs” for the first time today.

i got through the preface. i didn’t know it was a preface. it was sneaky and unmarked! but i read it. and nearly the very moment after i had read it, i got my idea. (i say nearly because DIRECTLY after reading it, i ran head first into the table of contents and realized i’d just read a preface! so this is afterward.) i’m going to blog my progress.

this may very easily be the worst and most boring idea i’ve EVER come up with. but, as i said in the beginning of this blog, when those sudden, possibly implanted by a mutant being or alien ideas come into my head, i just do them. and this is one of those. so i’m doing it. i will probably give up. but that’s part of the fun.

i am also going to note that i recognize this as a BAD and STUPID idea directly before Blog Every Day in August, but we’re doing it anyway!

oh, and for the record, i liked the preface. despite it’s devious and misleading nature. <!– text

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>YouTube Spam

>hello blog! wow! it’s been a WHILE! did you miss me?!
ok, that was rhetorical. we both know you didn’t, but that doesn’t mean you should say so!

ok, so i found this little gem waiting for me in my email this morning. take a gander:

so there are several flaws in this proposition. let us go through them now.

  1. ok first, this is an ad. it is trying to entice people. “If you jus tried a bit harder you wud get notice more” that’s kind of insulting. they’re saying i’m not trying hard enough? also, “You cud do well to watch it”. F you! you condescending prick!
  2. “this is the first time i saw a real Vid No the people acting up for the cam n stuff u got raw talent.” i’d say, anyone watching YouTube for a “long time” has most likely seen a “real vid.” it’s just plain statistics. not to mention, EVERYONE is “acting up for the cam”!!! psych 101, anybody? and finally, i think we can all agree that there are many vloggers with far more “raw talent” than i possess! *cough*Lydia*cough*Meg*cough**choke*charlieissocoollike*cough**splutter**cough*vlogbrothers*cough* whoa! written cough attack! brutal!
  3. apparently, ol’ Marcus was simultaneously inspired by 21 individuals. AMAZING! all of us, just oozing with untapped “raw talent”!
  4. Marcus apparently goes by the alias Emeline Tery Anese (emelineteryanese). what i can only interpret as three female names. fascinating.
  5. who the eff is emalineteryanese?!?! your ad might be a little more convincing if ANYONE knew who the fuck you are.
  6. improper use of gratuitous punctuation. i mean, seriously! “amazing video!!!!!!!..” and you’ve all read my writing! there’s an example of gratuitous punctuation in my last point(s)! i enjoy gratuitous punctuation! …and smileys. but i digress.
  7. you didn’t think i wasn’t gonna mention the grammer (or, more precisely, the lack thereof) did you? seriously, this is the piece de resistance!
    • the optional punctuation. sometimes we end our sentences with a period, sometimes we don’t. completely random!
    • the random capitalization of the word “vid” along with the lowercase “i’s”. freakin’ hell!
    • misspelled words that i just found generally offensive (in order of appearance): cam, n, jus, wud, alot, ya, and cud. yes, i know that “cam” and “ya” aren’t that offensive, but in conjunction with the rest of this mess, they’re intolerable.

so yeah. btw, i hate YouTube spam. especially poorly (if at all) thought out spam. also, i needed to update you, blog, since i haven’t updated in forever, so i thought i’d share this! ^_^<!– text

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>experiment experiment

>so I just got swype and it’s silk in beta and I’m trying to see how fast I can go without errors.so I’m not going to correct anything so if something doesn’t make sense its not my fault and remember I’m still learning.or getting used to making gestures.so far I don’t think its too much gayer.although I must say so far this is easier.well I suppose well see when I read this back.I think the result will be nothing be says a computer and keyboard.but this is still a cool idea.
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>OK Go Show

>hi blog!

so usually i don’t write anything because my life is really boring and i don’t have anything to say and i’m not creative or intelligent enough to just pick some random topic to write about. but is that the reason i haven’t written? NO! i’ve actually had things write about and instead i’m just like, “hmm. i should write a blog later.” and then later never comes. :/

so, because this is the most exciting thing that’s happened as of late, i’m gonna talk about going to see OK Go. because i’ve loved this band since ’02 and yet last Friday was only the SECOND time i’ve seen them. as opposed to Hellogoodbye, which i also LOVE and i’ve seen them like 4 times. twice in the past year.
but back to OK Go!

so first, let’s go back, way back to Chelsea’s late teenage years. this is summer ’02 and i’ve just graduated HS. i’m hanging out at my now ex-best friends house and she goes, “oh my god! listen to this song! it’s so weird! it says something about a Cadillac or something… just listen!”
the line she was referring to goes like this, “Aren’t you just catch, what a prize, got a body like a battle axe. Love that perfect frown, honest eyes, we oughta buy you a Cadillac!” and i will never forget that hot summer day, August, standing in her living room. it was the kind of hot where the artificial cold being pumped out of the vents only reminds you of how hot it really is because it’s serving to mask the heat. and i’m standing there, listening to these crazy lyrics, going, “what??? *listens* what??? *listens* what???” (by the way, put a full valley girl accent on that quote, and you’ll know exactly how i sounded.) fast forward to me downloading the song (illegally) when i get home. then downloading the whole album. watch me read OK Go’s bio on allmusic.com. watch me look at this picture and think, “to each his own, i guess” because although the bio said they had a hot lead singer, i didn’t agree. not from that picture anyway. and at the time, that was the only one available. and then fast forward to me in the Target, waiting for their video to come on. waiting for the part where the music cuts out and it goes to a scene of them playing ping-pong, then goes back to the video at hand. SO WEIRD! who DOES that? i’m mesmerized. watch me buy the album, because i believe in supporting artists that i love, especially when they’re small, especially when i’m addicted. then, fast forward to me and my friend, front row at the Troubadour, close enough to touch them. me doing all i can not to stare with my mouth open because that picture doesn’t do the singer justice. that bio was right. he IS hot. and when he’s not singing, he walks away from the mic and over to his amp, and he has this smile like he has a secret. but a good one. and, man if you knew! but he’s not telling. and i just want to walk up and hug him and get him to let me in on the secret. and i hope the trade-off is sex. and the last number: a choreographed dance. my barely 18 year old mind was blown.

now go to last Friday. me and Tiff are somewhere in the mid-center of the crowd. good view. at the Fonda. way bigger than the Troubadour, but still small. and imagine my absolute thrill when the lead singer plays the acoustic song off the album right in the center of the crowd. right in front of me and Tiff! i’m too deep in awe to do anything but stare.
he jumps off the stage later on, right in front of us again. and i touch his back. like an affirmation, after all these years, that such a thing is possible. yes, he’s real. and every now and then during the night, i catch a glimpse of that same secret smile. my reaction now is identical to my reaction 8 years ago.

well, i have to go to bed now. i could say a lot more. but it’s too late. and all for the best i suppose.<!– text

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