love and promises

“Love is keeping the promise anyway.” – Issac, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

these words have been ringing in my head since i read them. they are wonderful and beautiful and powerful and inspiring, but most of all true. promises are the way we prove our love.
think about it. all the promises that could be made and all the ways they can be kept and broken; their inherent responsibility. they can be wonderful and justified, or merciful and horrific. promises are so often made and so rarely kept. they are treasured as preciously as gold, can weigh heavy as any burden, and flow as effortlessly as water. those who make empty promises are judged harshly and lose value until even their actions become worthless. but those who keep their promises are heralded and their actions are regarded and make deep impacts.
promises are easy to make, easier to brake, and often forgotten. keeping a promise denotes reverence, both held and reserved, and the most honorable take the most effort to keep.
keeping your word and the dishonor that comes from breaking it is why children commit to “double doggy dares” and why you can be imprisoned for lying under oath. these are verbal pacts, but the consequences of breaking these pacts are physical.
there are some promises that are so unpleasant that it is understandable and forgiven if you can’t carry them out; some promises that you may be ostracized for honoring. and it is love that will make someone keep the promise anyway, no matter how personally or socially deplorable.

Tour de Nerdfighting (#tfios)

i’m not even sure where to start. i guess the beginning is the best place.
as with just about everything i do, i overanalyzed and worried about going to the signing/show. i didn’t know anyone, and being alone is scary, people might not like me, and i was very anxious.
i love living in LA. it was a gorgeous, clear, warm night that allowed for t-shirts and the hoodies people wore (including my own) to be for personal preference, not necessity. this was good because when i arrived, an hour early, there was a long line. in retrospect, considering the fact that there were teenagers who aren’t ball and chained to jobs till 5, this should have been expected. if i were 16 and wanted a good seat at the Tour de Nerdfighting, i would be more than an hour early as well.
i don’t want to say to much about the show because, let’s face it, you can check it out on YT. but i did notice afterward that this is the first time i’ve gone to see them and they weren’t asked to do their happy dances. also, i have to mention that they signed things from every last person who waited in that auditorium (of a middle school for the curious). this was a long process that took over an hour. i know this because i was in the second to last row. (did i mention the long line even though i was AN HOUR early?)
although this is news to no one, John and Hank were fabulous; completely and absolutely. they are exactly what they are in videos except you are watching them in person. it is strange and amazing and wonderful, but what makes it unique and special is the fact that i was surrounded by Nerdfighters who also thought it was strange and amazing and wonderful.
there is something about Nerdfighters that can’t be said about any other group in the world. Nerdfighters are good people. they are fair and honest and will always try to do the right thing. i have yet to come across a bad apple. nothing exemplifies that like what i did last night. i said “watch my stuff.” well, i didn’t demand it. i said it like a normal human being in a proper sentence with a polite please somewhere in the mix. “my stuff” was everything that wasn’t my car key. as in all my money, the stuff i was getting signed, my phone, EVERYTHING. and i left it with people i had just met. and because they were Nerdfighters i didn’t even worry.
when i say the goodness of Nerdfighters can’t be applied to any other group, i mean, take Christians for example. they pitch a good racket. lots of morals and goodness for goodness sake. but there are plenty of bad apples. i’ll put it this way, i’d have taken my stuff with me had i been at a church.
and while this amazing community wasn’t created by John and Hank Green, it wouldn’t exist without them being exactly as they are. and they are who they are and do what they do because of the community. this entire community is a paradox. and i got to be part of it IRL last night.
if you ever get the chance to see John or Hank DO IT!!!
not just to see them (although they are amazing), but to get to be present, live and in the flesh, in this amazing community.

The Fault in Our StarsThe Fault in Our Stars by John Green
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

i knew i would cry. i looked forward to it.

it was inevitable. chances of tears from dearly touching moments are extremely high where prose written by John Green is concerned. The Fault in Our Stars seems to do its best to exemplify this.

how much i cried surprised me. how much i laughed surprised me. also, what made me cry surprised me. ludicrous, sarcastic, dark-witted dialogue made me laugh, often while revealing some of the more tragic aspects of the story. and i cried at some of the sweetest, happiest details.

to be clear, there were also moments that were purely happy or simply sad. these moments, at least for me, usually occurred between the laughter and/or tears.

i think the reason i feel so affected is i really didn’t expect it. i mean, i got the foreshadowing loud and clear. there was an abundance of clues and i followed them easily to the conclusion. but the way the characters changed and grew and (in classic John Green fashion) remained flawed and human, was not something that i could predict. these were the things that i found touching and thoughtful and excruciatingly beautiful.

i think it helped to finish the book the same way i had started it; listening to John read it to me. i got the Limited Edition Audiobook box set, and i’m so glad that i did.

also, the title couldn’t have been more perfect. not just meaning of the title and how it relates to the book, but there is much talk of stars sprinkled throughout the story. both real and metaphorical ones.

oh, and Orion happens to be the only constellation i can identify as well.

Time

this weekend i don’t know what to do with my time. i feel like i have too many options. i want to finish several things with a similar deadline. so i feel like i have to be working on the things at the same time. but that takes a lot more discipline over my time than i’ve been exercising lately. i haven’t been online nearly as much as i’d like to lately. and by that i mean i haven’t been watching YT, i haven’t been on G+ and Twitter, i haven’t been on Skype. when i’m online i’m buying necessities on Amazon, looking up my bank balance, and researching things. and i actually should be doing more researching.
what am i doing in place of these things? i am knitting and doing a whole lot of reading and writing. i’m also spending more time venturing outside of my house to run errands and spending time with my mom and brother. i want to spend more time working on projects, but it makes me feel guilty because i feel like i’m ignoring the people around me.
so today is going to be about figuring out realistic time schedules for myself. …and finishing the outline for Delvia. it’s a very rich and complex world, and i need at least one more story line. i think i’ll discover it in Thalden today. that’s not gonna make sense to anyone for a very long time since i won’t have time to actually write this story until i’ve finished Death Haven (my NaNovel), then (probably) Theta, then my (still untitled) God story. oh, and let us not forget that i still have to finish The Guide. and work on Ice Breakers, and i have a giant knitting project. the things i’m making won’t be all that large, but the amount i’m making is quite the undertaking. i also want to start a Sherman Oaks writing group. picking a day and a place is really the problem. i already have the people. (so many things come out of NaNo. it’s really amazing. i recommend it to EVERYBODY).
anyone who reads my blog, just take a minute to tweet me and say hi once in a while. otherwise i may become buried forever in my projects.

cutting it close

if you follow me on twitter then you’ve already noticed that i’ve started a daily blog. i’ve wanted to make a daily blog for years now, but every year i remember on Jan. 2nd so it doesn’t happen. (cuz i figure i should start properly or not start at all.) but this year i prepared a new blog just for my 300+ word blogs.
already i’ve cut it close. i posted my second blog of the year at 11:58pm. perhaps my New Year’s resolution should be to post my dailies in a timely manner. 😛
thinking of posting things in a timely manner, something i didn’t do that with (again) is the HNS podcast. i’m not sure why… actually, now that i think of it, i do know why i didn’t post it. because editing it is a pain in the ass and i can’t stand editing. i mean, i started making one take vlogs, not because of time constraints and my love of brevity (although those are also factors), but because i hate editing.
actually, i have a love/hate relationship with editing. once i start it, i get all consumed with it and rather enjoy the process. usually. sometimes, a lot of times, it’s just one more thing i have to do and i want to get it done as soon as possible so i can have time to do the other things i have to do, usually to keep from failing at life. so there’s that.
but i digress. a lot.
my daily blog will be different from this blog in one major way: the subject is always me. not the New Year, Alex Day’s new album, other blogs i like, or weird things i’ve noticed, but me. who i am, what i am, what i’m doing (or not doing, as is sometimes the case), and why i’m doing it. almost every post will probably start with “i” (that’s the trend so far) and the rest with “my.” this is because, unlike this blog, i want to force some self-analysis and i always do this best in written form. that, and i want a reason to write every day. not that i need an excuse. i need a purpose to motivate me. if the goal were just “write something every day” i would forget about it and it wouldn’t happen. which is probably the reason why i have been wildly unsuccessful in the past.
this blog will still host BEDA and Blogust (since i don’t want those all to be 300+ word introspectives), and this will also have my random stream of consciousness things and all the other random that isn’t, well, introspective. it must be said that i’m a bit worried about NaNoWrimo. 300 words plus the 1,667+ words for my novel is going to be a challenge. but then, i am someone who’s written 5,000 words in a day (like a boss), so maybe i don’t have that much to worry about.
i also plan to do Camp NaNoWrimo (at least one month) because i am apparently mad. if i finish outlining Delvia in the next few days as i plan to, then i should have nothing to worry about since that will make two things unwritten but outlined. i want to outline one more thing before novel season to put my mind at ease though. because, apparently, if you don’t have at least two back-up plans, then you’re ill-prepared. …sometimes i wonder about my sanity. #writingaddiction #ambitiousgoals
daily blog